It's been ages since my last post

I'm pregnant, awaiting scan date. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

So fucking happy - at last.

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Here goes.

Firstly I am still out of work. Been looking for jobs with agencies and applying to everything I see online, in the paper and at the job centre - had a few interviews and still waiting to hear back.

Had a lovely Christmas and New Year with Boyfriend, he was really good and stayed with me - didn't go out or do drugs, or smoke - so I was well impressed but as I've been at home, getting stressed about no work so we've been arguing - but whatever will be will be. All couples argue.

My poor ol' Granddad passed away last week. He and my nan went into a care home before Christmas and he rapidly deteriorated and lost lots of weight, didn't eat or drink. He had lung cancer very badly but I am glad he is now at rest. Funeral has been arranged for next week.

Things are tough as usual. But what the hell. You only live once.

I do not have a New Years Resolution this year. But I do want to start doing something on a regular basis to get me out of the house, learning something, exercising and meeting new people. Just haven't decided what yet. Ideas on a post card.

Ploy

Is he just saying this so that I feel sorry for him and forget about last night when he got fucked up and didn't come home?

Bombshell

HE IS NOT HAPPY AND DOESN'T KNOW WHY.

I'm so confused. My life is in tatters and I think he is about to dump me over Christmas. What a shit way to end a shit year.

and now he thinks...

... I am FUCKING nagging him.

What a cunt.

Lauren...

... you were right and wrong.

Yesterday I was pissed off because I had lost out on the only job currently on the market so I was depressed about that and needed some cheering up.

So I went home but Boyfriend was down the pub. Shock, horror. He didn't even come home last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Various updates

The new Blackberry arrived on Saturday - it's great.

Spurs deserved 3 points on Saturday - I'm not biased, honest.

I hate working. Fact. I still don't have a job although do have a real interview tomorrow at a big firm in London and going home shortly to plan my stunning outfit and hair etc. Hoping I have a male interviewer so I can charm him into giving me the job.

Boyfriend is still behaving himself although I do believe when he went out on Thursday night, he did coke. No firm evidence to convict.

Decorated our Xmas tree on Sunday - I cannot wait to see what's in my stocking ;)

TFIF

I'm going to see a recruitment agency today to discuss a job - yes, that's right - there's actually one job out there!!!

Tonight I am going straight home. Boyfriend (who has been very good this week) is on his Xmas party so not sure if I will see him.

Tomorrow I am going to the Spurs v Man Utd game with my Dad - some well needed q.t.

Boyfriend has his son on Saturday, they are going to decorate the Xmas tree which Boyfriend and I bought two weeks ago - it's a real one so the needles are already falling off!!!

Then Sunday I plan to do NOTHING.

Oh and I've asked work if I can leave next week so I don't have to come in during the horrible Christmas period.

I am feeling really Christmassy now so the plan is to get a job by end of Jan!

"What happened then?"

To cut a long story short:

I laid into him in a very harsh way, told him he has too many problems for me to deal with and he needs to sort his life out. He completely agreed, apologised and promised to change. I said to him you always promise but they are empty so you better deliver otherwise you'll be spending Xmas on your own.

Things seem to be going well since. Fingers crossed that he doesn't slip up.

Last chance

9.12.08 - 11:20

"I don't know what has gone wrong but something has. We don't have fun anymore and we don't seem to enjoy each others company. I hate feeling like this."

Now no answer. I give up.

His phone is on but he's obviously ignored my call.

Still no call or text

... I even tried to call him to see if we could sort something out but he's got his phone off.

I spoke to soon

After my message of happiness this morning, I really did think that things would get better but they haven't. We didn't meet up because he went to the pub, I said I would meet him, so I telephoned him to meet him and he decided to go to his mates.

I went home, packed my stuff and I am sleeping at my parents house. He hasn't called. He won't even go home tonight I bet.

I have absolutely nothing going for me at the moment. Shit relationship, grandparents are very ill, no job.

Hating it.

Is it completely unrealistic to want a man that will take care of me? Am I being too selfish?

Goodbye NWB

NWB wanted to take me out tonight. I said no. I said I need to sort my head out first before I start seeing anyone else, particularly because I have a Boyfriend. It's just too much for me.

Things seem to getting to me at the moment and I am literally about to break down into tears.

I want my bed. Might call in sick tomorrow and Friday and just enjoy a long weekend - I need to relax.

Despair Gloom Anguish Misery Desolation

My life is falling apart around me.

Boyfriend troubles. Lost my job. No money for Christmas as Vodafone have decided to take extra money out of my account and leave me overdrawn, which was nice.

I am on the verge of a breakdown.

NWB -v- Boyfriend

NWB wants to meet after work tomorrow for drinks. I am so tempted but I think I need to sort my relationship with Boyf out first. Agreed?

Welcome to post #100

So my friend emailed me this morning. We were discussing Boyfriend and she said I have three options:

a) put up and shut up
b) tell him and he will change
c) walk away

Hmmm I don't think a or b will work.

I didn't tell her about nwb though.

Oh, and for Lauren, I wanted to mention NWB #2. He is the postman and he is FIT. If I am ever single, I won't be hard up for choice.

This weekend...

... is going to be a make or break one I think.

It's Boyfriend and I's anniversary on Thursday so we're going out for a meal and then on Friday, we're going away for the weekend to remote converted barn to spend some q.t. together.

Telephone call [15.59]

I call him.

BF: "I don't see what the problem is. Are you sure it's not all in your head."

Me: "No it's not."

BF: "Well we'll just speak face to face when you get home".

Me: "Ok then".

BF: "See you later. Bye."

BF hangs up again.