Ploy

Is he just saying this so that I feel sorry for him and forget about last night when he got fucked up and didn't come home?

Bombshell

HE IS NOT HAPPY AND DOESN'T KNOW WHY.

I'm so confused. My life is in tatters and I think he is about to dump me over Christmas. What a shit way to end a shit year.

and now he thinks...

... I am FUCKING nagging him.

What a cunt.

Lauren...

... you were right and wrong.

Yesterday I was pissed off because I had lost out on the only job currently on the market so I was depressed about that and needed some cheering up.

So I went home but Boyfriend was down the pub. Shock, horror. He didn't even come home last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am fucking pissed off

... I can't even begin to explain!!!

Fucking jobless at Christmas

I've just had to phone the Job Centre to see how I sign on to receive JobSeeker's Allowance. I felt disgusting. I am now claiming the same benefit as the scum of society - and the boss is walking around with a Hugo Boss suit, Hermes tie and fucking Prada shoes - the cunt.

Bah humbug.

Various updates

The new Blackberry arrived on Saturday - it's great.

Spurs deserved 3 points on Saturday - I'm not biased, honest.

I hate working. Fact. I still don't have a job although do have a real interview tomorrow at a big firm in London and going home shortly to plan my stunning outfit and hair etc. Hoping I have a male interviewer so I can charm him into giving me the job.

Boyfriend is still behaving himself although I do believe when he went out on Thursday night, he did coke. No firm evidence to convict.

Decorated our Xmas tree on Sunday - I cannot wait to see what's in my stocking ;)

Vodafone, you bunch of c***s

Because I tried to cancel my contract, they kept phoning me to get me back. So I bargained an excellent deal.

Blackberry Storm arriving tomorrow morning, 200 minutes and 1000 texts with the internet for £20 per month. Nice.

Because I am in £200 credit with them, I will only have to pay an extra £40 for the whole year!

TFIF

I'm going to see a recruitment agency today to discuss a job - yes, that's right - there's actually one job out there!!!

Tonight I am going straight home. Boyfriend (who has been very good this week) is on his Xmas party so not sure if I will see him.

Tomorrow I am going to the Spurs v Man Utd game with my Dad - some well needed q.t.

Boyfriend has his son on Saturday, they are going to decorate the Xmas tree which Boyfriend and I bought two weeks ago - it's a real one so the needles are already falling off!!!

Then Sunday I plan to do NOTHING.

Oh and I've asked work if I can leave next week so I don't have to come in during the horrible Christmas period.

I am feeling really Christmassy now so the plan is to get a job by end of Jan!

Unfair redundancy

I've just heard that my firm are employing people for after I leave. Cunts. I will seek legal advice and get a nice christmas payout I think!

"What happened then?"

To cut a long story short:

I laid into him in a very harsh way, told him he has too many problems for me to deal with and he needs to sort his life out. He completely agreed, apologised and promised to change. I said to him you always promise but they are empty so you better deliver otherwise you'll be spending Xmas on your own.

Things seem to be going well since. Fingers crossed that he doesn't slip up.

Spurs v Portsmouth photographs released today

http://www.hampshire.police.uk/Internet/news/releases/Police+investigating+indecent+chanting+at+Portsmouth+v+Tottenham+match+release+photos.htm

Last chance

Pt. II of the conversation...

... will happen tonight

Finally...

... I get through to him.

He doesn't want to carry on being miserable (ha, join the club) but he doesn't know how to make it work.

Awaiting Pt. II of the conversation.

9.12.08 - 11:20

"I don't know what has gone wrong but something has. We don't have fun anymore and we don't seem to enjoy each others company. I hate feeling like this."

Now no answer. I give up.

His phone is on but he's obviously ignored my call.

Still no call or text

... I even tried to call him to see if we could sort something out but he's got his phone off.

I spoke to soon

After my message of happiness this morning, I really did think that things would get better but they haven't. We didn't meet up because he went to the pub, I said I would meet him, so I telephoned him to meet him and he decided to go to his mates.

I went home, packed my stuff and I am sleeping at my parents house. He hasn't called. He won't even go home tonight I bet.

I have absolutely nothing going for me at the moment. Shit relationship, grandparents are very ill, no job.

Hating it.

Is it completely unrealistic to want a man that will take care of me? Am I being too selfish?

I am...

... refusing to go Christmas shopping
... still looking for a job
... confused about men
... desperate for a re-vamp in the hair department
... happy that my boyfriend is watching the Spurs game with me tonight
... wishing the weekend would come quicker
... not feeling like blogging much today
... wearing a slouchy hoodie to work
... loving the tube
... HAPPY

Goodbye NWB

NWB wanted to take me out tonight. I said no. I said I need to sort my head out first before I start seeing anyone else, particularly because I have a Boyfriend. It's just too much for me.

Things seem to getting to me at the moment and I am literally about to break down into tears.

I want my bed. Might call in sick tomorrow and Friday and just enjoy a long weekend - I need to relax.

Despair Gloom Anguish Misery Desolation

My life is falling apart around me.

Boyfriend troubles. Lost my job. No money for Christmas as Vodafone have decided to take extra money out of my account and leave me overdrawn, which was nice.

I am on the verge of a breakdown.

NWB -v- Boyfriend

NWB wants to meet after work tomorrow for drinks. I am so tempted but I think I need to sort my relationship with Boyf out first. Agreed?

Interview #1

It's a telephone interview for a job I don't even want, as it's on a 6 month contract, but I may have to take it. Wish me luck for tomorrow morning.

Piano Recital / Fake friends

I've just watched Condoleezza Rice's piano recital which she performed in front of the Queen. Then watching Ms Rice's body language as the Queen got up to speak to her. Doesn't Queenie ever get bored of people being fake and desperate to impress? Who are her real friends?

More hate: Georgina Baillie

Georgina Baillie could be set to appear in Celebrity Big Brother.

Why would anyone want to see this fat ugly slut?

101: I hate love

Why does it always end up like this?

Welcome to post #100

So my friend emailed me this morning. We were discussing Boyfriend and she said I have three options:

a) put up and shut up
b) tell him and he will change
c) walk away

Hmmm I don't think a or b will work.

I didn't tell her about nwb though.

Oh, and for Lauren, I wanted to mention NWB #2. He is the postman and he is FIT. If I am ever single, I won't be hard up for choice.

Today's outfit

Black long sleeve tight top with buckle feature, showing cleavage and midriff.
Black pleated knee length skirt.
Black knee high socks, so showing a bit flesh there too.
Grey 3" stilletos.

This outfit makes me feel very sexy and I got a lot of attention this morning on my way into work. It's just a shame I am all bunged up.

My sore throat

is getting worse. I am sniffing every 2 minutes and coughing & spluttering everywhere. Now I sound like a man with my lost voice!!!

This weekend...

... is going to be a make or break one I think.

It's Boyfriend and I's anniversary on Thursday so we're going out for a meal and then on Friday, we're going away for the weekend to remote converted barn to spend some q.t. together.

Text message [16.07]

NWB: "What r u up to tonight? I'm open to offers... x"

Telephone call [15.59]

I call him.

BF: "I don't see what the problem is. Are you sure it's not all in your head."

Me: "No it's not."

BF: "Well we'll just speak face to face when you get home".

Me: "Ok then".

BF: "See you later. Bye."

BF hangs up again.

Telephone call [15:49]

Me: "So shall we have a chat then?"

BF: "When?"

Me: "Now if you want."

BF: "I'd rather just ignore it. You can either have a happy boyfriend and a tidy house, or neither."

Me: "Is that an ultimatum?

BF: "Yes."

Me: "I'll have neither then."

BF hangs up.

Pros / Cons

Pros

He's good round the house - he does the washing/cleaning etc
He buys all the food and I don't have to pay anything towards rent/bills
We have a healthy sex life
I love his son and he needs stability in his life

Cons

He takes drugs and drinks too much
His friends are more important to him than I will ever be
He acts like he's single
I don't think he understands me

[Hidden]

There is a hidden problem here. It's Boyfriend. I'm obviously not happy with him. It's our anniversary so basically it's make or break. We are away at the weekend together, if I come away from it feeling unhappy then I will just stop pretending I am enjoying my time with him and be single.

The weekend in a nut shell

Friday: So when Boyfriend stood me up, I decided to go shopping after work - I spent loads - then met NWB for a drink. Which ended up being many drinks and him taking me to get my last train home. We kissed, I don't feel guilty because I've just blocked it out [does that make me a bad person?]. I think he's great, but he's got a girlfriend as well - oh well! Got home at 2 a.m. Boyfriend was pissed as well as he had obviously stayed down the pub so I didn't even feel bad about staying out. We hardly discussed it the next day. NWB is not going to be anything serious and I do have intentions of meeting him again, so let's just see what happens here.

Saturday: I went to Roisin Murphy at Brixton Academy with my sister - what an amazing performance. The place was electric. Then I quickly met NWB for a chat then went to Ministry of Sound SOBER as I was driving - had a wicked night though. Home at 5 a.m.

Sunday: Back to London for a shopping session. Bought Boyfriend a c.p. hat and ralphy polo top for our anniversary on Thursday - and got myself a Juicy top and Diesel top, spent loads but well worth it. I met Jason Bradbury (who presents the Gadget Show), he was pretty cool. Then last night, I realised that I had been partying, screaming and drinking all weekend and I've lost my voice and have a terrible cold.

Monday: The blues have kicked in.